What is also so retarded is I used to HATE my cheeks, my "fat" face, my eyelids and how I had a crease that I couldn't put eye shadow on easily. I hated that I had curly eyelashes instead of long luscious ones. I hated my lips. I wanted feathered blonde hair like Farrah Fawcett or long straight black hair like Cher.
It was stupid but the brainwashing was real. I didn't like so many things about myself because it wasn't "white" or "white" looking. I could sit here and beat myself up about how dumb it is yet and still look at Michael Jackson and all the celebrities who you think "made it" and still have body image issues. I'm not alone.
In my family, we definitely suffered from "colorism" and all that nonsense that I don't even need to repeat because a lot of people are talking or have talked openly about the subject. If you care about it, you can google the word to learn more. How Colorism Affects People Around the World
Unfortunately whatever slavery, segregation and racism did to my family line/ancestry/dna and our self-image, it really fucked with my mom's head and she projected all of her self-hatred onto me making me her constant punching bag and makeover project. Generations upon generations taught to hate themselves and passed right down to me as well. I guess.
Thankfully, my Dad thought he was pretty hot shit even if a lot of times he looked a hot mess. He grew up with everyone telling him "he's fine" and he had the attention from women to prove it. So any sense of self and confidence in the looks department, I definitely got from him and all was not entirely lost in terms of my self esteem/confidence.
But still, I wasn't madly in love with much of myself and was filled with a lot of self-doubt. Now, of course, I'm like man I can't believe I didn't like all this sexiness...look at the curves!! Delicious. LOL.
Self Hatred and the Effects of White Supremacy Psychological Warfare
I don't know this girl at all never ever heard of her. In fact, I was watching something on youtube and her channel came up and I found this video. I watched it and was amazed at how this woman completely transformed herself from some plain jane looking, kind of (to me) ugly boring chick to what some would claim as beautiful. And I'm like man this society is crazy and I've been apparently sipping on the crazy juice myself. I mean really, this girl is actually pretty naturally boring and "ugly" if we are going to talk about "standards." Splotchy terrible skin, fake lips, eye bags...look how many products she has purchased and how much time she spends changing herself into something that is supposedly "beautiful." I mean the plain her is not bad but definitely nothing to write home about. (and I'm lmao at myself because I just watched ANOTHER video of this girl and actually listened to her talking and realized that "she" is actually a guy or a transexual...that just makes this even MORE funny and proves my point. This world is CRAZY).
I was walking through the Miracle Mile shops one time and this lady working in a store was standing outside giving out samples said "you have beautiful skin, what do you use?" And I told her. And she said 'well it's working except for you could use something for under your eyes". And part of me was feeling like BITCH I LOOK FABULOUS don't be trying to find flaws just to sell me a product. These people will have you looking like a clown by the time they are through messing with your mind and selling you their nonsense:
I was too busy believing that I needed all the products and bullshit that they buy in order to fit the mold of beauty so much so that I wasn't really noticing how badly they age without botox, plastic surgery, etc. I didn't know because I wasn't paying attention.
Then I started meeting more and more white women who would say "YOU'RE HOW OLD?" and be completely jealous. I'm like daaanng...no wonder why they hate(d) us and worked so hard to try to make us feel ugly, projecting all their bullshit onto us.
Haters don't hate you, they hate themselves.
‘Predatory’ Reason Marketers Target Women on Mondays
Advertisers target women’s insecurities
Everyone is altered: The secret Hollywood procedure that has fooled us for years
I mean here you have some of the supposedly "richest" white women in the world (SUPPOSEDLY) who all have clearly nipped and tucked themselves into looking like straight clowns. Paraded in front of us on television for the whole world to see as if this is natural:
Is a Myth;
The Real Change Is White People Are Less ‘Crazy’
I love reading other black people's points of view and embrace the fact that I don't feel alone anymore. It's like the internet and technology is the great equalizer. When an issue comes up, I can always find a blog, a forum, a youtube video, a facebook post, a tweet, an article, a meme, a SOMETHING that I can relate to. I love that when a controversial issue comes up I can always hit "black twitter" and find a bunch of comical memes that make me crack up with laughter and point out how crazy this bullshit world can be. Like when the whole Paula Deen thing or the Donald Sterling/Clippers bs happened, reading the memes and posts on Black Twitter just made me feel better. And even on super heavy subjects, I'm so glad that it's not like when I was growing up and we had 3-4 channels plus a newspaper controlling the entire story.
I thank god I don't feel alone anymore and I thank god people are speaking up and speaking out. I agree with what Umar Johnson says about why black people are afraid to speak up and speak our minds...because we don't have economic freedom. It is thrilling to me that I can even go on the internet and find such people who speak their minds openly and candidly.
What I love is having the opportunity to speak my mind via social media and the internet and express my point of view via my blog. It is cathartic to not to have to pretend and be fake. Or to have to constantly hold my tongue for fear of offending someone. This guy's blog post had me rolling: The Top 9 Annoying Things White People Do and I can so relate to the #whitetears hashtag.
I'm SO OVER us tip toeing around white people and not being able to speak our truth caring more about their feelings than our own. I mean seriously, how can any reasonable person sit back and watch what happened during Hurricane Katrina and then turn around and make Kanye West the bad guy for what he said about George Bush? I am appalled at watching Kanye feeling forced to capitulate and apologize for telling the truth and speaking on what was so blatantly fucking obvious. This is the CRAZY nutcase narcissistic arrogance of SOME very typical white people.
Dr. Bobby Wright: The Psychopathic Racial Personality
Recently I was at a corporate meeting and saw some sistas glowing and walking confidently among 99% of their white counterparts and colleagues proudly wearing beautiful natural hair styles. I found that to be very encouraging and a sign that things truly ARE changing.
It seems kind of mean but I LOVE THIS GIF.
You tried to tear us down, make us feel ugly, tear our families apart, and I'm happy to see that it's no longer fully working (at least not on me). I'm so happy to see that we are starting to feel much more beautiful deep inside.
You tried and failed. Good effort.